Challege #4

Today was horrible.  It was like nothing I’ve ever experienced. I’ve never felt so sick in my entire life.  I’m not sure what it was because I’ve never had that combination of different pains all over my body before.  It hurt so bad I was up nearly half the night crying with my mom by my side. But there was nothing she could do, she wasn’t sure what it was either. Then she thought it must be an anxiety attack.  She’s had them before but not to that extent.  I might have looked like a fool rolling around on the ground but I just couldn’t sit still.  It felt like someone was stabbing me in the back, then in the chest, then it would stop for five seconds and start up again.  I just wanted to rip my chest out.  I couldn’t breathe, I felt like puking, I wanted to puke. I wanted to jump off my balcony to end it, so that the pain would stop.  Is that saying too much? Maybe it’s dramatic but crazy things run through your brain when your in pain.  I didn’t jump off the balcony but the pain didn’t stop either.  I laid in my bed the rest of the night tossing and turning, trying to relax, but it’s obviously pretty hard to relax when you’ve got knives in your chest.  Finally I fell asleep.  When I woke the next morning I felt fine.  Like nothing had even happened.  I went through the day with no pain.  I was however terrified it would happen again.  I was scared it was going to come out of nowhere like it had before.  What if it happened during school? What would I do?  I couldn’t bear to go through that pain again, and especially not at school, in front of people.  That night I was terrified to go to bed.  What if it happened in the middle of the night again? I thought that maybe if I didn’t sleep, it wouldn’t happen.  But I had to sleep.  And I did.  I was fine. The bizarre and random attack was a one time thing.  After that night, it hadn’t happened again.  I often think about that night and the pain I felt.  I’m no sure what I would do if it were to happen again.  I don’t know if I could handle it again.